Mormanism

The rumors are true that my rehab center is a Morman facility. Although I haven't converted yet I am seriously thinking about religion and the role that Mormanism could play in my life. It's kind of a misunderstood religion so I want to explain some things and I hope that you, my fans, will help me make this important decision.

Firstly, it's totally OK to wear your underwear outside of your shorts, so I will fit right in.

Mormans can have more than one wife. It kind of sucks for a girl, but then again everyone in Hollywood cheats anyway. With all the wives around if I'm feeling adventurous there is always the possibility of scissor-dancing. So as long as the other wives are hot, I'm OK with this.

There is also a slight chance that I can say that the DUIs and coke binges are a religious belief. If the judge will buy this then I get off all charges. The bible says that you can't not go to jail for religious beliefs.

Mormans can also do whatever they want in the entire state of Utah. That's a plus I guess, but then again it's Utah (and Vegas - but everyone can do whatever they want in Vegas, as long as your rich.) If I can talk the tribal leader into moving to California or even Arizona then it's a no brainer.

The biggest plus is that Mormans have 2 Christmases so that means twice as many presents. It also means twice as many Morman office Christmas parties where I can get drunk and bang whoever I want without consequences. The other Morman Christmas is in July so I have to wait a whole year.

Any advice??